Draco's Not So Receding Hairline
by Serpentilia
Summary: Did anyone else think that parts of Deathly Hallows were left unexplained? Just kind of THERE to annoy the fandoms and avid shippers?...Yeah, I thought so too. So, here's a series of drabbles telling the REAL stories behind these events. DH SPOILERS ENSUE
1. Draco's Not So Receding Hairline

A/N: Was anyone else upset with the whole receding hairline thing? Especially since it's a hereditary thing, and Lucius was _not_ balding? Well, while on the bus to NYC, I decided to write a series of drabbles, to make fun of the parts of DH I disliked or found were left off unexplainably. So here's the first one. Enjoy!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Scorpius Malfoy turned towards his father, who was tending to a precariously balanced pan over their fireplace, "Dad… why are we cooking the muggle way?"

"Because I need to beat Potter's cooking skills!"

"O-kay then… Can I help?"

"Not now Scorp."

"No really! I promise I won't be clumsy this-YAGH!"

A pause.

"AHHHH!!!! Help! My hair's on fire!"

"Auguamenti! Honey, you're a _wizard_, remember?"

"Get me a mirror! Quick!"

"..."

"Hey Scorp? Sorry, but Daddy can't see you off to Hogwarts this year. Harry will think he's balding."

"…"

"Dad... Are you CRYING?"

"…"

"… you ARE!"

"Daddy just really misses his hair."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: So there you have it. 100 words that are complete nonsense. Want more? You know what to do ; )

Cheers!  
-Serpentilia


	2. Teddy's Dilemna

A/N: So these will not be in chronological order. They are just going to be randomly posted in the order that I wrote them. So, here's Teddy's dilemna.

Also, thank you to the following for their reviews/adds: Starflower-Gem, x-squid-sit, CrimeScene21, death by storm, Spots on a Pony, XeGyPtIaNbLaCkRoSeX, and EvelynnHill!

And thank you for the info Spots on a Pony. -grins sheepishly- I haven't actually taken biology past the general science level in high school, so I'm sorry for the wrong accusations. Thank you!

I was upset that we weren't told how Remus and Tonks were killed and how they were just left there as bodies Harry passed. So I wrote this! Anyway, here's Teddy's dilemna: ) Enjoy!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Uncle Harry?" Teddy Lupin called tentatively.

"Yes Teddy?" Harry asked, smiling.

"…How did my parents die?"

"Er, in battle,"

"But how?" Teddy persisted.

"Well, they just sort of, er, died. Their bodies were just kind of, erm, there," Harry said awkwardly.

"Who killed them?" Teddy demanded.

"Death Eaters," Harry replied vaguely.

Tears filled Teddy's eyes, "Why did they have to die?"

"Because JKR loves Ginny wayyyyyy too bloody much," Harry explained, rolling his eyes.

"I don't love Ginny though," Teddy whined.

"No one does. We all love Remus and Tonks more," Harry agreed.

"That makes two of us." Teddy affirmed.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: Expect worse Ginny bashing in the next installment...artistic ventilation... or just plain immaturity... It's the birthday scene from Deathly Hallows where Ron bursts in... but my twist... which reminds me, the rating needs to go up. xD

So what did you think?


	3. Birthday Mishaps

A/N: Oh yes, I'm totally crude and totally vulgar, but, this scene was just _begging_ to be parodied. Lol. At least, that's what I think. This is what I immediately thought of (aside from vomiting) when reading the scene in Ginny's room on Harry's birthday.

Lol, Ginny's far too perfect... she needs to have at least _one _imperfection. So, without further ado, I give you Birthday Mishaps!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I couldn't think what to get you. I didn't know what would be useful. Nothing too big, because you wouldn't be able to take it with you. So I thought I'd let you take _me_. TAKE ME HARRY!" Ginny screamed, lifting up her skirt to reveal a large fiery red afro.

"Y-you haven't shaved," Harry observed numbly, slowly inching towards the door.

"I'm a Gryffindor, and that's my lion's mane," Ginny growled fiercely. "Tame me Harry!"

Suddenly, Ron burst tactlessly into the room, "Stop messing her around!"

Harry couldn't agree more. Utterly horrified, he quickly escaped Ginny's unshaven bush.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: Loved it? Hated it? Thought I was too harsh on Ginny? Lol, tell me what you think!

Cheers!  
- Serpentilia


	4. Dudley's New Do

A/N: Alas, I'm back! Sort of. With Deathly Hallows, I was disappointed that we never got to hear about what happened to the Dursleys. Especially since Dudley showed the first sign of character progression beyond a gormless bully. So, I thought I'd write about a possible outcome. Enjoy!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Harry stepped into number 4. It had been awhile. He found himself listening to a most unusual conversation.

"Diddykins, I don't know why you insist on sewing your shirts together."

"THEY NEED TO BE BAGGY ON ME!"

"But Diddlywinkums, they don't need to be _ten times _too big."

"YES THEY DO! IT'S HOW _HE_ WEARS THEM!"

Harry stepped into the parlour. His jaw dropped. Adorned with hair dyed black, broken glasses and a hastily drawn scar, was Dudley Dursley.

"Harry!" Dudley squealed with delight.

"Well this was certainly unexpected."

And Harry ran for it, Dudley's feet padding heavily behind him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A/N: R&R because it makes me happy. Please?


End file.
